I love these lines. The meter is a bit off (iambic is 5 beats per line) but it works as an off-kilter rhythm that draws attention to the imagery. As I mentioned after class, I LOVE bricks, and your image of sun-soaked bricks left out in the rain is a very effective and evocative one. I don't know about other people, but I love the slightly coppery smell (almost a taste) that comes from sun-baked bricks having been rained on. I had some misgivings about the word 'pulsate' - I worried it might be a little heavy-handed...what do you think? Is it part of a larger work or does it stand alone?
Dom!
ReplyDeleteI love these lines. The meter is a bit off (iambic is 5 beats per line) but it works as an off-kilter rhythm that draws attention to the imagery. As I mentioned after class, I LOVE bricks, and your image of sun-soaked bricks left out in the rain is a very effective and evocative one. I don't know about other people, but I love the slightly coppery smell (almost a taste) that comes from sun-baked bricks having been rained on. I had some misgivings about the word 'pulsate' - I worried it might be a little heavy-handed...what do you think? Is it part of a larger work or does it stand alone?
Definite promise in these two lines. Nice work!
Simon